ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE.

How frail human life can be. I cannot even begin to imagine how frail human life can be.

I wrote this blog entry after I had this dream:

I dreamt that... I was dead. I didn't even know how I died, in my dreams, I was just a wandering ghost. I witnessed my sister and brother talking and couldn't join in. I was only listening. I remember visiting my grandfather on the mother's side, Lolo Tonio. He was a strict person- the type who becomes proud of a grand daughter but doesn't tell that directly. He was sweet that way. He was in my dream and in my dream, he was the only one who could sense me. Let alone touch me and hug me. I was crying, he was too. After that, I remember telling my mom and dad about it. I remembered blogging about it (yes, in my dream, I still blog). The dream ended with me going out of a bookshop, Christmas time, me alone with someone and I asked her, "Patay na ba talaga ako?"

I woke up right on cue and after a few seconds of taking it all in, I started sobbing like hell. I felt like I was shivering all over. More than fear, I felt loneliness mostly on that fact that in my dream, I wasn't able to touch, get this, my brother and sister again. That thought made me cry even harder.

And this got me thinking- I was lonely because I wasn't prepared at all to die. I mean who is prepared to die? When do you even know if it's your time? How can you even prepare for what is actually un-prepare-able, something no man who have ever tread upon and come back to retell his tale?

A simple answer: You can't really prepare for death. Doing so would be like saying you're in control of your death and in extension, your life. You don't. 'You are a speck in reference to the vast universe around you, a mere syllable uttered from a single word', as Octavio Paz puts it in his short story, The Blue Bouquet. You don't control everything in the end- I'm sorry to burst the bubble. What's left for us to do is to rely on a higher being, God, and take life as it comes one step at a time.

As for me, all I want to do right now is to attend the 'simbang gabi', see the sunrise and breathe- breathe like there is no tomorrow.

R.I.P Joey of the Ateneo de Manila University and Troy Baniqued. May you experience unspeakable happiness wherever you are.

MARION CAUSING

One year nalang College na.
Excited na sa college life at sa pagtatahak ng landas ng tunay na mundo.
Isa sa mga nagnanais pumasa sa ATENEO. Proud Atenista.

A hopeless romantic, sucker for romantic comedies, college lovelifes, and ironically, also "boy films" (A term coined for gorey, thriller films). Lives a life filled with ironies (i.e. I call myself lazy yet determined).
My one true refuge: God.

1Sam16 : 7 "Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart"

Loves and obsessions. PNE. Spongecola. Strawberries! Eman's sense of humor. Reggae music (don't care about the specifics. As long as it's Caribbean reggae, it's all good)

THE JOHARI'S WINDOW. To know or not to know



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