Monday, December 17, 2007 @5:08 PM
ON A MORE SERIOUS NOTE.
How frail human life can be. I cannot even begin to imagine how frail human life can be.
I wrote this blog entry after I had this dream:
I dreamt that... I was dead. I didn't even know how I died, in my dreams, I was just a wandering ghost. I witnessed my sister and brother talking and couldn't join in. I was only listening. I remember visiting my grandfather on the mother's side, Lolo Tonio. He was a strict person- the type who becomes proud of a grand daughter but doesn't tell that directly. He was sweet that way. He was in my dream and in my dream, he was the only one who could sense me. Let alone touch me and hug me. I was crying, he was too. After that, I remember telling my mom and dad about it. I remembered blogging about it (yes, in my dream, I still blog). The dream ended with me going out of a bookshop, Christmas time, me alone with someone and I asked her, "Patay na ba talaga ako?"
I woke up right on cue and after a few seconds of taking it all in, I started sobbing like hell. I felt like I was shivering all over. More than fear, I felt loneliness mostly on that fact that in my dream, I wasn't able to touch, get this, my brother and sister again. That thought made me cry even harder.
And this got me thinking- I was lonely because I wasn't prepared at all to die. I mean who is prepared to die? When do you even know if it's your time? How can you even prepare for what is actually un-prepare-able, something no man who have ever tread upon and come back to retell his tale?
A simple answer: You can't really prepare for death. Doing so would be like saying you're in control of your death and in extension, your life. You don't. 'You are a speck in reference to the vast universe around you, a mere syllable uttered from a single word', as Octavio Paz puts it in his short story, The Blue Bouquet. You don't control everything in the end- I'm sorry to burst the bubble. What's left for us to do is to rely on a higher being, God, and take life as it comes one step at a time.
As for me, all I want to do right now is to attend the 'simbang gabi', see the sunrise and breathe- breathe like there is no tomorrow.
R.I.P Joey of the Ateneo de Manila University and Troy Baniqued. May you experience unspeakable happiness wherever you are.
Thursday, December 06, 2007 @12:55 PM
Let's indulge ourselves in the matters of the heart. Why? Because we can. We can, now, without being awkward.
Naget mo?
Paranoia
I was just being paranoid, I KNEW IT.
That's why I hate being a girl, it's inevitable to feel paranoid especially in things like
that. Thanks to John-C for illuminating me in the workings of a male mind. If girls tease each other for no particular reason, there's not much difference in the guys' side of things, now Marion, is there?
It would be "wala lang" and for fun, just a passing thing. And what's so cool is that, I'm relieving myself of the burden of being awkward around him by thinking he already knows.
To celebrate this new... epiphany, we shall and will indulge ourselves in the matters of the heart. Fall in love, or lust, or infatuation, whichever, I couldn't really discern which is which at this point, all over again.
Romance. Romantic. Ang corny ko ngayon, corny ako. I can't even string together words to form a proper sentence.
Then again, should I be happy for being "wala lang".................. %^&*()_#@!@#%&*&%# [Insert Coin here]
Javier: Writer's block, ordinary heartache.
Girl: Shit
- Doble Vista
Sunday, December 02, 2007 @5:19 PM
Heard it on the radio...
Tsk talaga ang mundo o, lahat nalang talaga. Life, BRING. IT. ON.
Bubbly- Colbie CaillatI've been awake for a while now
You've got me feeling like a child now`Cause every time I see your bubbly faceI get the tinglies in a silly placeIt starts in my toes and I crinkle my noseWhere ever it goes I always knowThat you make me smile please stay for a while nowJust take your time where ever you goThe rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place
Under covers staying safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adoreThey start in my toes make me crinkle my noseWhere ever it goes I always knowThat you make me smile Please stay for awhile nowJust take your time where ever you goBut what am I gonna sayWhen you make me feel this way?They start in my toes make me crinkle my nose
Where ever it goes I always know
That you make me smile
Please stay for awhile now
Just take your time where ever you go
@1:15 PM
I blame it on hormonesI truly hate being a girl right now.
How is it that girls get giddy and happy one moment all the way to down and depressed the next?
Life would be much easier if we all didn't have to reach puberty, then we can just play and be instantly friends, and you could teach me how to play the rubix cube again, and we could talk like normal people and the awkward-ness would be gone.
Damn hormones.
P.S. Tassie! Guess what, haha, ginoogle ko siya and they turned out to be classmates- papaL and papaJ nung highschool. FUNN!
